2023
Charcoal on paper
11” x 11” each

This is the ‘Regaining’ series, the final of the eleven drawing series.

This is the stage where the restoration after the storm begins. The drawings are incomplete. The memories are incomplete. But they are returning, little by little. Reclamation is underway. This unfortunately doesn’t happen for everyone, but it is possible after a while.

On a personal note, I’ve mentioned before that after my mom died, the only memories of her that I could readily conjure up were her final three months. And much of that time was her intubated in the hospital. That was it. The 25 years of memories of Cathy Brown that I had before? Gone. Completely wiped away. And it transferred to my memories of my dad, Tim. Though very much alive, the only accessible memories of him were of his grieving. His loss. His pain.

This went on for months. And when I say months, I really mean for over a year. Trauma and grief do that. People would tell stories about her, show pictures of her, all of that. But all that came to mind was the hospital.

But over time, little bits returned. At first they were flashes: a birthday party here, a Christmas there. They’d appear, and then be gone in a second. But then they started lasting longer. And now, when I think about my mom, my parents, and their marriage, the ICU is no longer the first thing that comes to mind. There’s a reason a portrait of them is the final drawing in the entire series.

This is not everyone’s experience, and maybe I’m wrong in presuming that this happens more often than people say. But it happened to me. And I’m sure it happens to others. And I needed to express it.

I included the reference portrait for “Tim and Cathy” because I wanted you all to see my parents, and their joy. And also because I’m not sure my piece does them justice.